Do you know how it is with love? First comes delight: then pain: then fruit. And then there is joy of the fruit, but that is different again from the first delight. And mortal lovers must not try to remain at the first step: for lasting passion is the dream of a harlot and from it we wake in despair. You must not try to keep the raptures: they have done their work. Manna kept, is worms.
Think he's right?
2 comments:
I do think he is right. Love isn't just passion. And passion isn't love. That passion which starts a relationship isn't that which keeps it going. Married couples don't look like high-school make-out artists, because they are past that into the fruit. I would guess they still have those passionate times but as part of a well-balanced life together.
The fruit is where it's at!
Sir Thomas I do agree with you. Not that I and my hubby have that much experience (3.5 years married, 5 years to the day since we met), but I do agree that the expression of love does change, the level and depth of love changes, the kind of love changes. Still very much love, but it looks and feels different as a relationship develops.
None of the stages/levels/looks are wrong unless we stagnate in them; they are different - like growing up, if we all stayed as babies, that isn't great. We must "grow up" and mature to glorify God.
Don't worry - passion doesn't disappear - you are right, it may be a little different or just not as "constant" as in the first part of a relationship, but nonetheless present. Stronger and deeper.
With growing up - there are growing pains in relationships and they take "work" (that in the next paragraph). I do think the relationships that last are the ones where the couples have both determined that divorce is NEVER EVER mentioned in jest, fun, or seriousness; both people are willing to talk out differences and this may take several different conversations; and both people are focused on God and what HE would have them do; both are willing to learn to let go and comprimise as needed in a healthy way; and that both are trying their hardest to look out for the best for the other person always - self sacrifice.
Work in a relationship - I never understood that...why work? It should be easy and fun if I love the other person right? It takes a consceintousness and intential focus on the other person and the relationship or things can drift, build up, disappear, etc. Any friendship takes energy. A marriage and love takes energy too. That is where energy = work. Work takes energy, energy is required in relationships; so that is how work gets into the relationship equation. Energy and work take TIME. Thus the work = time as well to keep a relationship strong and healthy. Time together, time intentionally spent, time with others as a couple, time with God. Anything worthwhile takes time and energy.
The outcome of all this investment? GREAT REWARDS! Great Fruit!
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