"scream
deeper, i wanta scream
i want you to hear me
i want you to find me
i, i want to believe
but all i pray is wrong
and all i claim is gone
well, i, i got a question
i got a question
where are you?"
"When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face
But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures"
The agonizing thing about my "dark night" experience of faith, is that the thing that should have brought me the most comfort seemed to only accentuate the pain. Not only was there deadness or dryness when I would try to read, pray or worship but it seemed to only further wring my heart. Fortunately, over enough time, experience and healing, the darkness lifted but it was not a pleasant journey. In hindsight I think John of the Cross was right:
"No soul will ever grow deep in the spiritual life unless God works passively in that soul by means of the dark night."
1 comment:
Dark times are not fun, pleasant, asked for, nor talked about enough I think. There are perceptions that if you are in a dry spell, a dark night, or empty time - it's your own fault. Pray more, read more, study more, sing more, etc. seems to be the recipie. Put on the happy face. But it doesn't always help. It seems to me that sharing with a few very trusted friends can help because they can pray for you and help carry you through. It takes great faith I think to realize (or at least hope) that God carries us through those times even when we can't hear, see, or feel Him. Thanks for sharing and I think you are right - after a hard time, we are stronger, richer people. Not the way we'd like to get that way....
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