Happy Birthday Clive

Today is the birth date of one of my great heroes of the faith, C.S. Lewis. So many of his books have had such a profound impact on my mind, heart and life. I am truly thankful for his life and work.

I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else. - C.S. Lewis

Cars

One of the things in life that I will never understand is high end luxury automobiles. I was flipping through my Newsweek and they did a road-test on the Mercedes-Benz S63. It's a rather unremarkable looking car that gets 11 mpg and costs $130,775. I mean, you could even buy four Cadillac CTS's, the Motor Trend Car of the Year, for that amount of money. Or like a dozen Saturns.

The End

The last chapter offered little of anything new and worthy of comment. By "inspiring men" she mainly means confronting, shaming and condemning:

I would often tell men I dated that because they were over thirty and still unmarried, they lacked biblical leadership that requires securing a wife.

Then why did you go on a date with them to start with and what on earth were you doing dating anyways?

One of her action steps was to get rid of singles ministries. I remember Pastor Karl stating that none of the marriages that have come out of his singles ministries have ended in divorce. I think I'll take my stand on that before I follow any suggestions she offers.

In some ways she reminds me a bit of authors like Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins who militantly present that not only is their position the only reasonable and virtuous one, but the other position is the root of all evils.

The end.

Correction - I May Need More Than A Shovel

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Still More Shoveling

Hang with me friends. This gets even better.

Singleness is no gift. That's right. I'll say it again. Singleness is no gift. It is nowhere found in Scripture to be a gift. No other Christian culture considered it to be a gift. Celibacy, or the removal of sexual desire in a minority of people is and was considered a gift (see 1 Corinthians 7 and Matthew 19.) We have been taught in the modern church that cultural or circumstantial singleness and celibacy are the same thing, but they are not. The singleness position currently endorsed in the contemporary church is faulty and erroneous.

Maybe the use of a Bible and dictionary would here prove to be helpful.

"However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. But if the do not have self-control, let them marry." - 1 Cor. 7:7-9

"Celibate - 1. One who abstains from sexual intercourse, especially by reason of religious vows. 2. One who is unmarried. Usage Note: Historically, celibate means only "unmarried"; its use to mean "abstaining from sexual intercourse" is a 20th-century development. But the new sense of the word seems to have displaced the old, and the use of celibate to mean "unmarried" is now almost sure to invite misinterpretation in other than narrowly ecclesiastical contexts. Sixty-eight percent of the Usage Panel rejected the older use in the sentence He remained celibate [unmarried], although he engaged in sexual intercourse.

So, let me break that down. She says that singleness is not a gift but celibacy is. But, the definition of celibacy is, get this, singleness. And then she goes on to condemn the logic of others? Also, the passage in 1 Corinthians (and Matthew 19) does not indicate that sexual desire was removed for the "celibate." In this instance, Paul is permitting marriage for whom this desire can not be controlled.

As she goes on to command a robust "return to Biblical thinking" she starts to talk about theology and God's will. She says that in the way many people view things,

'God's will' becomes the blanket answer to any legitimate questioning of the way things are.

I found that to be incidentally amusing given the number of instances that a girl has denied a date request or broken up with a guy and when probed for a reason it was "because she just didn't think it was God's will." The irony continues in a more direct way.

Think about the controversy over homosexuality as a lifestyle. This kind of thinking argues that because people struggle with homosexuality, God must have made them that way on purpose. Because such desire exists, it must be God's will. Not!

And yet, that is the very same logic she applies to marriage. Since people struggle with loneliness and sexual desire, marriage must be God's will. I assume she would point to divine revelation to excuse her inconsistent logic.

Because of the inclination to find seemingly relevant Scripture and apply it out
of context, we have been reduced to equating singleness with celibacy.

Yeah, either that or we read a dictionary and are using the conventional meaning of a word. But even stepping aside from the language debate, just because you experience sexual desire does not mean you can not control it and therefore must immediately marry an available party. I wonder how flattered this author would feel if her husband told her, "I married you just because I really needed sex and couldn't control myself any longer."

More Shoveling

Okay, I clawed my way through chapters three and four. Two of the most important themes of this book are the spiritual superiority of marriage and the need to compel men towards marriage by the use of shame. For instance,

The older order of things held far more promise for women, for it saw women as vulnerable, had compassion for them and shamed men who abandoned their duty of timely marriage. Marriage was long believed to produce positive spiritual growth and development that singleness was simply incapable of accomplishing.

She has a whole segment praising how past cultures shamed singleness.

Past cultures shamed improper singleness. They considered married life 'as far more excellent than the condition of the single life.' Singles were required to live with established families, and they enforced laws against single men living alone. Take the case of John Littleale of Haverhill, Massachusetts, who was found to be living 'in a house by himself contrary to the laws of the country, whereby he is subject to much sin and iniquity, which ordinarily are the consequences of a solitary life.' He was told to find a real family to live with or the court would help him find one. And if he refused? They'd be only too happy to place him in a 'house of corrections.' That's right, jail! Early Americans did not think the single status or life anything to be glorified, but rather something that a 'real' family should absorb, so that no one would have to suffer the infirmities of singleness, nor its vices.

Is that really the golden era you want us all to try to return to? Also, one of the things that is disturbing to me is that she (and those she cites) assume that it is simply impossible to remain sexually pure as a single, and that if you are single then you are obviously spending your time in secret whoredom.

So, what is the cause for this grave condition of singleness that so many are enslaved by? Why, what else but the typical default answer to every problem church and society faces? The lack of male leadership. In fact that is the title of chapter three: "The Lack of Male Leadership: The True Cause of Protracted Singleness."

I had a hard time following her on this chapter. She tries to point away from feminism as a cause of singleness and focus squarely on the fault of men, but it seems like she must have been in such a flurry of anger when she wrote this that she came up swinging blindly at everything. I'm also not sure she knows what she means when she talks about feminism. She begins by framing a long, and what seems to me to be a very sensible, accurate and even prophetic, quote by none other than C.S. Lewis as the wrong way of analyzing the problem of the presence of a multitude of lonely and hurting single women. Lewis is expressing that a society that tolerates open sexual promiscuity is actually a society adverse to women. Although she earlier comments that men were helpfully forced into marriage because promiscuity was not tolerated in earlier societies, she here chastises Lewis for presenting this message because she thinks he is blaming feminism.

She then begins her attack on men in earnest.

Many men say they would love to be married, but the greater question is, should any woman have them? Most of them are lagging behind the women in this culture . . . we must call men on the carpet and ask them to be the leaders that God made them to be.

Oh, and it is actually in this chapter that she comments about women buying houses, but she is not saying they shouldn't. She is saying that women should not deserve to be single because they are going forward and being responsible with their own lives. But she is saying it in a completely sarcastic tone which may be why people thought she was against it. Her exact wording is,

"We think women today deserve to be single for choices they made, like attending college or buying a house. How dare they be successful and leave men behind?"

She goes on to say,

" Women often have no choice but to prepare themselves to be market competitors because they cannot rely upon men to marry them, or for that matter to stay married to them."

Notice the adversarial wording here? Women are not market participants (with all the opportunities that presents) but market competitors. Also, it seems that only men leave women in marriages and women never leave men.

She still finds a way to use the fact that women are working professionals and home-owners as a dig against men:

Men in general do not want women to be dependent. The social science research in this area shows that 'men expect women they date to be economically independent and able to take care of themselves.' This proves that women are not leaving hapless suitors in a dusty haze due to obsessive career development goals. This proves that most men today want a 'pay your own way' type of deal where the mantle of assuming the care of another is avoided and their personal autonomy remains unchecked. This allows men to keep jobs that resemble hobbies and to maintain hobbies as costly as their jobs. The convenient scapegoat of feminism obscures the discussion of leadership and accountability.

She then goes on to illustrate a few different stories and comments

What these stories prove is that men often do not think they have to live up to any realistic timetable in which they present themselves as marriage-ready - formal schooling completed and gainfully employed."

She also adds that

"The simple truth is that men (and women) could be marriageable candidates by the time they are twenty-two, as opposed to twenty-seven and twenty-nine, which is now the national average for first-time marriage by college-educated females and males respectively."

If she had done more research, she might have been surprised to learn that the divorce rate of people who marry between the ages of 25-29 is roughly half that of people who marry between the ages of 20-24. But hey, don't let the facts get in the way of a good story. And don't let the high divorce rates of this generation's parents be discussed as a possible consideration in explaining the later marriage ages we see now.

Of course, it is not just the lack of male leadership in general that is to blame. We really need to blame the lack of leadership in the church too.

"The church must get out of the way and stop being a stumbling block to the pursuit of marriage (italics are author's)."

And finally we arrive at the capstone comment of the chapter:

Until the church returns to preaching the superiority of marriage over singleness and the duty to marry, and until some of these singles (especially the men) start squirming in their seats and feel the shame that is rightfully theirs to bear if they are refusing to follow God's leading into marriage, there will be no substantive improvement in the number of Christian marriages.

That is a direct quote, including the parenthetical reference to men.

Give Hope A Second Chance?

It's interesting to see Mike Huckabee surging in the polls. He has a clever and humorous way of saying things. As this article in the Economist shares,

"Mr Huckabee's ideas on health care are considerably sounder, and he sells them deftly. He understands that costs are out of control. “We have to change a system that happily pays $30,000 for a diabetic to have his foot amputated, but won't pay for the shoes that would save his foot,” he says. He warns, wisely, of the looming budgetary calamity when baby-boomers start claiming Medicare (public health care for the elderly). Or as he puts it: when “all the old hippies find out that they get free drugs.” He touts the benefits of prevention, citing his own life-saving weight loss as an example."

I just hope he doesn't make Chuck Norris his running mate.

Hold On, I Need to Stop and Shovel

Well, I managed to stagger through chapter two of "Getting Serious About Getting Married". Before I go further, I think I need to stop and shovel out some of the crap that has been building up around me. I am teetering on a point where it is no longer infuriating but simply laughable.

• Okay, the whole Genesis 1 thing where "it is not good for man to be alone." I just want to point out that "not good" is not the same as wrong, bad or immoral. It was not in any way a moral defect as she goes on to describe singleness to be.
• "Without someone to work for, work is just a hollow exercise." No it isn't. Work is something of intrinsic value and provides purpose and meaning regardless of marital status. And I'm pretty sure there's something in the Bible about doing all things for the glory of God and doing your work heartily as for the Lord and not unto men.
• "The money we earn from work shouldn't be spent on self-centered consumerism or by people we don't even know. God designed work as a way for us to make an inheritance for our children." I'm sorry. I guess I should tell the children who are being fed by my UNICEF contributions and my Compassion child that my money belongs to MY FAMILY and God never meant for the fruit of my labors to be shared generously and sacrificially to strangers in need.
• "The reason singleness is disappointing, lets us down, and leaves us wanting more is because singleness isn't what God intended." That totally explains why married people are never disappointed, let down and left wanting more.
• "Singleness is unnatural." What, like Swamp-Thing and zombies?
• "I don't know about you, but for me, being single just got worse and worse." And maybe you're just a whiny ---- nevermind.
• "We want the fruit of our labors to benefit our own families as God intended." Again, God never intended the fruit of our labors to benefit other people, just ourselves. Spending all your money on yourself when you're single is abhorrent. But spending all your money on your own family when you're married is God's will for you.
• "Being single without meeting the necessary criteria set out in Matthew 19 [including my own narrow interpretation of "for the kingdom"] is just as unbiblical as sexual activity outside marriage." No. It isn't. Not by a long shot.
• "Matthew 19 teaches it is okay to be unhappy about being single." That's right folks. Your outward circumstances and situations are allowed to completely control your attitude and character. If things aren't the way you want them to be, then clearly that's not the way God intended them to be, and you don't have to like it one bit. Besides, men love it when women grumble, whine and complain about being single. It's irresistibly attractive and seductive.
• "Of course, if you're a single woman but are not called to singleness, it's usually not your fault." That's right. You shouldn't have to take personal responsibility for this at all. It's much easier to just blame men.

New Lifehouse - Whatever It Takes

Man, who hasn't been there?

Oh, and why are their songs so awesome and their videos, well, not so much?

Talk Shows On Mute

Great song. Strange video.



"And judge you from the card castle comfort of America." Great line.

GAO

Newsweek has an interesting interview with the head of the Government Accountability Office (GAO). It strikes me as a good snapshot of the fiscal challenges the country faces.

I Celebrate The Day

Okay, so I'm beginning the celebration 30 hours ahead of schedule. This is one of my very favorite Christmas songs.

Always Winter Never Christmas

Relient K and C.S. Lewis together in one song. Yahtzee.

President Pardons Turkeys; Gitmo Detainees Remain

President Bush pardoned three turkeys in Indiana today. Much like the detainees in Gitmo, it was unclear if they were being detained for specific crimes or simply held in imprisonment for five years because they appeared suspicious. Sources could not be confirmed but many hinted that the turkeys may have been waterboarded during questioning before being pardoned and released. The families of the turkeys could not be reached for immediate comment.

On the campaign trail, Senator Clinton responded to the news by indicating that education and health care for turkeys in New York has improved dramatically due to legislation she sponsored in the Senate. Barrack Obama berated the Bush administration for showboating as the turkeys were sent to Disney World after their release. Fred Thompson felt that lowering taxes would raise the standard of living for turkeys everywhere. Mitt Romney said, "Mmmm . . . turkey."

Infuriating

So I borrowed Sara's much balleyhooed book, Getting Serious About Getting Married by Debbie Maken. I have read all seven glamorous pages of chapter one and already I have learned an important lesson: I shouldn't read it before going to bed. My mind is racing with arguments and with nearly every sentence I find myself scribbling a rebuttal on my set of notes. This book is infuriating. It's sad because I suspect that I will agree with some of her opinions later in the book (i.e. the presence pf prolonged adolescence in our culture and the need to proactively pursue romantic interests rather than idly waiting by in some sort of romantic fatalism), but her writing feels a bit like having smoke blown constantly in your eyes. I'm not sure if this book will change my overall perspective on singleness and marriage, but one thing I can say is I'm thankful I'm not married to that woman.

Oh, and she also has a blog. This is amusing. After commenting about her own book that "Last year in January, the death knell for the so-called 'gift of singleness' began with the unleashing of Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness" she quickly adds that "I am humbled that these Christian organizations would think me worthy of delivering a message on singleness." Yeah, describing your own book is a "death knell" strikes me as a pretty humble statement too.

Hey, Look At Me

At the risk of being guilty of self-aggrandizement, I wanted to share this picture and give props to Tom who took it and shared it with me. I always find it fascinating when a picture can seem to capture something of a person's personality, and I think he pegged it when he pointed this one out as falling under that category.

"The Contemplative Steven"

Church Stuff - Willowcreek

I came across an interesting video from Willowcreek and how they are reviewing and reconsidering their approach to ministry. There is also part of Hybel's reaction and commentary.

Bubbly

I'll probably think this song is grossly nauseating in about a week, but for the moment I find it strangely endearing and charming.

Gideon Bibles

So Newsweek currently has an article describing a trend of hotels no longer allowing Bibles to be placed in their rooms. Certainly they have a right of providing or removing whatever objects they want into their guest rooms, but the whole story just seems somewhat bizarre to me. Like the question of why other religious materials aren't available, for example. I don't know, maybe because other religious organizations didn't want to spend whatever it costs to place a copy of their text into every hotel room in America? It's not like the Holiday Inn is the one buying these to proselytize their guests. It seems like such a skewed view of equality to think that "Providing Bibles would mean the hotel "would have to take care of every guest's belief."

From another angle, isn't it interesting what power a copy of the Bible has? Did it somehow irritate the conscience of these "wealthy, young, and trendy" people when they were confronted with a discretely placed religious text instead of an erotic game or neatly placed contraceptive?

Cumbersome

So, my vintage 1994 19" TV hasn't been doing so well lately. When I was attempting a game of MLB for the old Playstation, it would get some serious wavy line action. This wasn't a huge deal as I don't watch much TV, don't have cable, and it didn't seem to be a problem when I was playing movies. But, recently a co-worker let me know he wanted to get rid of his 32" TV that is just a few years old and wanted to know if I would be interested in buying it for $75. I wasn't sure how I felt about spending the money until I did a quick price check at Best Buy and realized I would be shelling out several hundred dollars more if my TV finally did fall off its last leg. So, with the gracious help of Aaron and his dad's work van, I took possession of the giant.

But as is so often the case in the curse of materialism, the story doesn't end there. Of course, this large and heavy TV does not fit onto my old, flimsy TV stand so I had to go to Wal-Mart today and drop another $50 to purchase a suitable stand. It should work, but now my two large Van Gogh's on the wall behind it are going to look out of whack. I am going to have to move them up the wall and hope that works, and my living room as a whole just looks a lot smaller than it did before. And basic cable becomes much more tempting.

I think I may have violated my standards for simplicity with this purchase. Although the initial cash outlay seemed like a wise purchase, the total cost and hassle is kind of bothersome. It's an interesting microcosm of materialism. The more stuff you buy, the more other stuff you have to buy to accommodate it, until it generates such a mass that it creates its own gravitational pull.

Isn't That Cute?

So on Thursday at Chatham, everyone who is enrolled for medical insurance had the option of receiving a free influenza vaccination. As I was waiting in line for the shot, an employee's spouse had come in with her children so that she could get the vaccine. As she sat down in the chair by the nurse, her little girl asked her father, "Is mommy getting her flea shot now?"

I'm not sure if she was just being a ham or if she really was confused, but it was pretty funny.

I Don't Have A Plan Either But I'm Not Hillary Clinton

Given what seems to be a rather luckluster crop of Republican candidates, I wonder if this is going to become the next general election theme.