I have noticed something of a bad habit in myself that upon further observation also seems fairly common. I frequently insert "kind of" or "just" or some other mitigating word in my sentences. ("Just" is one of my most favorite words and probably appears in 90% of my e-mails.) It's not valley-girl speak, "Like, you know, for sure." It seems to be more of a lack of simplicity and confidence in my language.
Have you ever noticed that? Why do I/we do that? Why say, "I was kind of hoping . . . " when you can say, "I would like to . . ." or "I was just thinking" when you can say, "I believe . . . " and so on and so forth.
Might this be part of letting your "yes" be "yes" and your "no," "no?" It at least seems to have something to do with assertiveness, confidence and a willingness to take a firm position with what you say.
As a sidebar, I have also noticed that I am far too repetitious with certain words and phrases when I pray. I'm sincere when I use them, but they're kind of stale. I find that I'm annoying myself with it, not to mention what annoyance it might be towards others with whom I more frequently pray.
6 comments:
I noticed this a while back, especially in my written language. I started removing those prevarications as part of removing unnecessary words and simplifying my writing style. This is suggested in pretty much every writing guide I've ever read as a way to improve your written voice.
The only problem is that you don't just improve your voice, you actually change it. By removing those prevarications you may artificially strengthen your statements and remove sympathetic language. I started getting yelled at by people at work because without those white-wash words, my emails came off as curt and insensitive. I had to add a few back in to soften my writing and add nuance to my meaning.
Be careful. The key is to use them only when you are actually trying to mitigate or prevaricate. If you intend to do that, then those words are carrying important meaning and should stay. Otherwise get rid of them in order to simplify and strengthen existing language.
Oye! How true this is for me! I have a friend who has called me out on this several times and who is encouraging me to just say what I need to say straight out. It's hard to do after so many years of developing this habit of not offending others or trying not to come across as too harsh. Where is this belief/attitude coming from? What or who is holding me back from communicating with simplicity and confidence?
Your thought on "yes" be "yes"... man, I never thought of it that way.
Thank you for sharing your "bad habit" and your insights on this. I'm like kinda feeling a bit challenged, you know, on this for sure dude!
I like what Jeff said about this. I think it also depends on your context, though.
It has always annoyed me when people pray and use the word "God" in every single sentence. It's kind of like their "um" that makes them feel like they are not "umming" but praying a "better prayer" (like there's such a thing).
Say what you mean, mean what you say...
i don't know, i sort of, like...kinda think that, i...maybe talk like this, because i'm worried that...like people will think that i'm too, like...maybe...i don't know...SMART.
check out taylor mail's poem called "like, you know" on you tube. he's a teacher in NYC, and AMAZING!
in other news...did you see that they sang "shout to the lord" on american idol the other night...what's up with that?!?!
They actually sang it twice, but the first time they changed some of the words so it doesn't count. :)
I tend to have the opposite problem.
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