A few weeks ago I was flipping through books at Barnes and Noble and came across a book that discussed why there are fewer men in the church and why the church is not appealing to men. I am generally somewhat skeptical of books like this for a few reasons. First, I think a lot of Christian men just need to suck it up and stop looking for excuses, and if they want the church to change then they need to get in there and change it instead of complaining from a distance. For instance, I have seen it stated that one reason men do not like going to church is because women are leading so many of the ministries. Well, gee, do you think maybe one reason they are leading so many of the ministries is because there weren't enough men who were willing to step up and do it when they were asked? That's a pretty self-defeating argument. Secondly, I think a lot of non-Christan men are fully engrossed in the world's view of men and have no intention of leaving their self-absorbed ways and will look for any excuse they can find for avoiding the church and Christ whether it's legitimate or not. And third, I think some people want to bring their own caricature of a man into the church and hold that up as a new ideal.
In briefly flipping through this book though it seemed reasonable and sensible in its approach. I can't recall the exact title but I thought it was by Stephen Arterburn, author of Every Man's Battle. I can't seem to find anything like that under his name though so perhaps it was another book I saw. At any rate, this issue also came up in conversation during the retreat but was unfortunately abbreviated because of scheduled activities. It's something that I am wondering about and feel like I don't have many answers. I hope this will generate some helpful discussion.
There is one area though that I think might deter some men, and that is the way we do musical worship. For instance, consider the lyrics of one of the songs we sang this weekend, Hillsong's Draw Me Close to You:
Draw me close to You
Never let me go
I lay it all down again
To hear You say that I'm Your friend
You are my desire
No one else will do
'Cause nothing else could take Your place
To feel the warmth of Your embrace
Help me find the way
Bring me back to You
You're all I want
You're all I've ever needed
You're all I want
Help me know You are near
Now, there is nothing necessarily wrong with this song (except perhaps that it never actually mentions God, Christ, the Holy Spirit, sin, grace, mercy, forgiveness, redemption, love, etc.), but especially given its airy, sentimental sound, who do you think it's generally going to appeal to more, men or women? And how many songs are very similar to this? Think about it next Sunday. And, it's not even just the lyrics or the music. Have you ever noticed the pictures displayed on the screens? What do they usually display? Flowers and rainbows? A woman with her eyes closed and arms raised with a serene expression on her face? Children playing? Even in the song that displayed a picture of the cross, it was displayed in the middle of a big, red heart. Again, there is nothing necessarily wrong with these things, but who are they going to appeal to more, even at a subconscious level?
I just leafed through a few pages of Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow online. It wasn't enough to get a full impression of the book yet, but he said one thing that I was both shocked and relieved by: most men don't like to sing. I know I don't. I mean I like some worship music, and singing at small group is okay, but I have to admit there are a lot of times I wish I could come in just for the sermon at church and skip all the music. I mean think about it, outside of church, where do you see men casually singing?
If there is anything this world needs it, is more strong men of faith to take a stand. We're in the midst of a spiritual battle, but we're not inviting men into a battle camp. We're inviting them to sing songs about cuddly embraces with pictures of pretty flowers and then we wonder why they're not excited. To use a quote from G.K. Chesterton (admittedly in a different context), "It is constantly assured that when the lion lies down the lamb, the lion becomes lamb-like. But that is brutal annexation and imperialism on the part of the lamb. That is simply the lamb absorbing the lion instead of the lion eating the lamb. The real problem is - can the lion lie down with the lamb and still retain its royal ferocity? That is the problem the Church attempted; that is the miracle she achieved."
6 comments:
Steve, this is one woman who can't stand those obnoxious pictures on the screens during worship. I find them distracting, and cheesy. I admit I am embarassed by them when visitors come to the services at church. I would rather have plain words on a screen. Our Bibles don't have pictures. Why should our praise songs? And why is it that the Church teaches us to quiet our minds and eliminate the technological distractions that surround us constantly, but we have those same distractions included in our corporate worship?
There are more women than you may realize that are dissatisfied with the current way things are in the Church. I did not grow up in the Church, so I cannot identify with vacation Bible school, Sunday school, kids' church songs with their lame hand motions, arts and craft projects with cotton ball sheep, beaded necklaces with painted crosses, and I sure as hell never wore an androgynous robe in a children's play. I don't know all the words to the song "Jesus Loves Me," and I'm okay with that because I know He loves me anyway.
But all this is beside the point: Women are tired of doing it all because they weren't meant to do it in the first place.
Personally, I find the cheesy, love-song like lyrics of some church songs to be really embarrassing. I am not a big fan of Jesus being described as a lover or other language that could make the song a little too personal to be sung out loud if it were between a man and a woman... I have to say, bringing non-Christian friends to church can be kind of embarrassing due to some of these things. Not to mention some of the inane lyrics that are repeated over and over...
I do like songs that are based directly on scripture, though.
I say all this in challenging myself most of all and any others who will listen… I want to raise some caution on how cynical/negative we can get when discussing something like this. Yes, these are legitimate concerns and real issues within the church, but what is at the heart of them? What is the real struggle/battle here? And yes, what can and will we do to move toward remedying these imbalances and imperfections?
I was thinking about my boss last night during the sermon and wondering what would draw him to coming to church; what would the attraction be in wanting to become a Christian. Marty spoke this weekend of how we are Consumers – we look at the price and we measure the perceived value. What does a non-Christian see as being the benefit or perceived value of giving their life to Christ? My boss enjoys physical activity; is healthy and is devoted to his wife and sons; he has a comfortable income; a good home; and many friends. I do not see the worship songs or backgrounds drawing him in. I don’t see our complaining or cynicism drawing him in. What would draw this man into the church? What would draw this man to Christ? What am I doing to help draw this man to Christ?
Our God is great and powerful. We are in a spiritual battle for the souls of all men (and women). Are we praying in faith and belief that He will win these souls… beyond our own understandings and efforts? Do we believe that God will draw more men into the Church? Are we looking expectantly, like a child on Christmas morning, for the “gifts” God will pour out in answer to our prayers to have this present pattern changed?
Being a female, I don’t know all that would draw men to something. What draws you men into church? What draws you men to Christ? What can I, as a female, do or say (or not do or say) or pray for that would be helpful in this endeavor?
More questions than answers, but I hope they’ll continue to prompt us to think more on this. Thank you Steve for bringing this to us and for the challenge it raises for us.
I would also like to voice my agreement in the challenge Steve gives in looking at the songs sung in corporate praise and worship. Who are we reflecting on and what are we truly saying and meaning when we sing?
Jen, good points. I am afraid I may have slipped into something that drives me crazy with this post, which is sitting back and "evaluating the fruit." Let me take a few steps back. First, it is definitely appropriate and perhaps even necessary to have musical forms of worship in the church. Jesus and the disciples sang (Matthew 26:30), so did Paul and Silas (Acts 16:25) and the apostle instructed his churches to as well (Ephesians 5:19, Colossians 3:16). And, of course, these were all men. It is perhaps something defective in me and in men in our culture that we are musically averse. I have been fairly criticised for appearing as though I had just swollowed a toad that had been sweating profusely when I sing, and this is an area of continued challenge to me. I have great respect for people who minister to the body through music from friends like Tim, Aric, Bryan, Eugene and Patrick to the pastoral staff with Sam and his crew, and I apologize if this posting in any way offended or was unduly critical of their efforts.
I used the example of a modern song and its presentation as in instance in which we may unwititngly be favoring a particular demographic over another. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with this song or even in showing pictures of nature or people. But I do wonder if we tend to utilize a certain style that predominantly appeals to women more than men, and I wonder if we should consider alternatives to that to bring things into a certain balance.
Steve,
As I was reading your posting, though I agree songs will not always hit where you are at, or maybe sound "cheesy", but maybe it is reaching to some people. When I choose songs for small group, I try to find ones that might connect with the message or what has touched my heart. It might not always connect with everyone or anyone for that matter but do earnestly ask God for his blessing as I play the songs. It is always difficult to find a common liking by all on the styles of worship. I try to base songs on Ephesians 5:19 and Colossian 3:16 in which Paul instructed believers on the importance of music in their lives. He exhortted believers to speak, teach, and admonish one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. There is no particular form that was used in the New Testament church. The message (essence) is the focal point. It was to be expressed of the very words of God, words of praise to God, and words that expressed genuine Christian experience. The music should never replace the message but it is my prayer and hope that it reaches one more for Christ. I don't know who wrote "Draw Me Close" and the story behind it, but I hope it reached someone that needed to find Christ. I think of artists like Chris Tomlin that is now revisiting old classic hymns is realizing that there are great God truths in the hymns. He is rewriting the music score but keeping the lyrics or modifying them a bit. I don't know if all artists are doing this but if people are listening to Kutless or John Wesley on the pipe organ to draw close to God, then I think thats all that matters. Everyone has a story to tell. Poets say it in their poetry, and musicians say it to music. I hope that when musicians write their songs on the music page, that they are consulting God of what He has laid on their heart to say. Next time we hear a worship song we don't connect with, maybe we should stop and pray that it will connect to someone who is hearing Christ for the first time or has run away from Christ and is coming home. I hope this does not offend you in anyway where that was not the intent. I have the utmost respect for you and just wanted you to hear my take on this topic.
Excellent points. Thanks for commenting!
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